Matija

My name is Matija (pronounced Mateeya), and I live in one of the larger Croatian cities, called Rijeka, once a big industrial centre and a significant seaport. The current situation is not that good, but that's a story that doesn't belong here.

I was brought up in a family that didn't care much about spirituality or religion. Despite that, I took an interest in religious and spiritual things in my childhood, and attempted to study the religion I've chosen (which was really the only one available) for a long time, participating in sacraments and other activities, wanting to get closer to God. However, I felt something was missing, I was painfully aware of my inability to live by the rules set out in holy books and scriptures.

I guess I always wanted answers to some of those "big questions" we all ask ourselves now and then. That questioning of my own existence was more obvious in my childhood, but, after a period of stagnation, it returned stronger than ever. I don't think it was ever absent though. It seems things we do every day, even whole periods of our lives, can make us forget about the spiritual, or make it seem less significant, but that drive is still there, we just have to look for it.

That's exactly what happened to me. After hearing news about new military conflicts in a certain region, and being brought up in times when my own country was suffering from war, I decided there could be no God. If there was one, I thought, He would never allow all this destruction. Further, I realised the religion I belonged to can offer no real solution to any problem. All of this made me decide that I would become an atheist, or at least that's how I interpreted that profound feeling of desperation. I just couldn't see any other possibility. This phase of mine lasted for a few months, because one day I picked up a small book I had for years. I don't know why I did it, or I can't remember what actually pushed me to do it, but I started reading it again.

In that short book, which discussed the pyramids in Egypt, I've found an account of an old lady, who slept in Khofu's pyramid, and, on that occasion, lived through something the author called an "out of body experience". It was a tiny part of the book, merely a few sentences, but it was enough.

My atheism was quickly erased by a beautiful spiritual curiosity, as I connected to the Internet and sought more information. I read about different techniques, and found many inspiring accounts of people who have experienced what they called "astral projection" - the same thing I've read about in that book on pyramids, which I still keep. I really wanted to see if something like that could actually be done. Someone told me that I should back away from that, noting that it was something only bearded gurus can do, those who live on top of a mountain and sleep on a bed of nails 24/7. I still wanted to give it a shot.

Having gathered some information, I put the techniques I found into practice. It was somewhat difficult, annoying and confusing at first, because I didn't have a real introduction, so I wasn't sure what I'm supposed to do. I worked with different techniques, trying to find a common denominator, because I thought there had to be something that connects all those methods. Although I was uncertain about many things related to astral projection, had some unanswered questions and concerns, I was thrilled to be actually doing something, actively trying to verify a spiritual thing. Thus, that learning period turned out to be inspiring, so I really did my best.

All the people I contacted, who had such experiences, claimed that the way to reach it lies in approaching the sleep process properly, i. e. letting the body fall asleep while being conscious of the process. I kept working with that, because I felt there was something there, and I've seen from my own practices that there are different sensations provoked by sleep, those which I never felt before.

Eventually, I succeeded. I've projected and gained the experience I wanted. I found out that the astral is not a fairy tale, that it is a real place. Needless to say, I was shocked, because I visited a place that was there all along, a different dimension, the existence of which I never suspected. I couldn't just say that the astral is real, store that conclusion in my mind, and just keep going with life as if nothing happened. I wondered what the existance of this "other world" meant for me personally. I've seen that there is more to life than this body I'm having, and the usual life I'm living, but that realisation brought up many more questions, and actually stirred me up instead of calming me or giving me a sense of realisation.

So, given the circumstances, I decided I would try to get better at astral projection. The main obstacle was the subconsciousness. Everyone seemed to worship it and accept it as a normal part of their astral travelling. However, I felt there had to be more than just flying around a couple of times, playing with dreams and living out fantasies. I also couldn't accept the subconsciousness as a normal part of astral experiences, because from what I went through, it seemed to be very limiting and just this big burden, not at all helpful as some have claimed. Therefore, I kept searching, and I found Gnosis and these courses. So, that's the short version of my small spiritual experience, altough this text isn't as short as I would like it to be. :-)