Talking too much

For me, I generally talk too much in a few circumstances. If I am nervous and don't know what to say, I may start to ramble on and hope that everything makes sense.

Second, I find that certain parts of my personality are activated by certain contexts and this tends to affect how I communicate with others. It is similar to taking on a different role or becoming a different character for the different stages of life. When I am around certain friends, I can become very talkative. If I am working, a different part of my personality is activated and I take on a completely different communication approach, etc...

Regarding gossip, for me, there seems to be a drive to talk about something that will be of interest to the other person. Oftentimes, gossip is very interesting to people, myself included. So, it is hard to resist doing it. However, I feel that this is something that is really worth putting up a fight against. It drives people further apart and creates a feeling of distrust among friends.

I can relate to what you guys said, I have a very big problem with talking. I like to be open with people, I never took my time to analize untill what degree honesty is respectfuly can be called 'honesty'.

My honesty dosen't know any limits, I talk mechanicaly about everything I feel I don't want to keep to myself for some reason, without analizing what that reason could be. Then, when I see what my unconscious gossip produces in other people, I feel ashame of my stupidity.

I also talk to much due to my ego of pride, I show off without realizing at that particular moment that under my freindly talk hides the monster of pride. In fact it is so mechanical that it is even scary when becoming evident.

Often, I want to help those who according to my point of view doing something wrong, but I only end up preaching, and afterword feeling bad about my way of helping.

All those are forms of psychological defects expressing them selves through my mouth and then punching me through my thoughts. By speaking out without putting necessary efforts in being aware and conscious of what is coming out of my mouth I feed all those egos.

" What goes into your mouth won't harm you, ruther what's coming out of it will. " What a sad truth.

Thanks for sharing Gabrielle,

Yes, I know what you mean about variations in communication approach. For myself, occasionally I try to break those patterns, clear egos there and do it consciously.

An example of breaking pattern: to be quite in a situation when I tend to talk too much and be a centre of attention. Then, check for all egos influencing me to talk. Finally, intensify efforts to be conscious and behave from awareness only.
Well, it is not easy!

Yeah, gossip can look so innocent, but in a long term, it can easily destroy relationships and drive a friends apart. I remember, I used to have a strong justification for some sort of gossips, beleiving that by discussing of other people businesses, we can learn from it and it can help us to do better our own.
And it helped in some way, while was very destructive in another, and was just a way of ego to feed itself.

Thanks Gyorgi,

Yes, I think that you brought up a very good point of looking at honesty.

Yeah, what does it mean to be really honest?
Does it mean, to simply transfer whatever is manifesting in a person head into the other people attention?

Is it real honesty...or something else?

Yes, I think, because egos can possess intellectual centre, it is very important to learn

-how to observe them in the intellectual centre and learn to distinguish them from consciousness (while talking)
-how to stay detached from them in intellectual centre(while talking)
-how to eliminate them in all the centres (while talking)
-how to remember about it (while talking)
-how to keep improving it(while talking)

Then light of consciousness within can come out with a words full of truth, wisdom and real honesty.

Thanks Vadim, this is a good topic!

When I talk too much it's definitely because there are egos behind it! Which ego it is seems to change given the situation though (I'm going to try not to say too much here..)

To start off with, I find it very difficult to be in awareness and disintegrate egos and talk at the same time (one of my biggest problems), so if my egos can make me talk lots they distract me from myself and they get fed more, so that's a strong motive.

When I start to talk a lot (at work especially) it's often when I've got absorbed with what I'm doing, and I get a polluted feeling in my emotional centre at the same time. That's when it gets dangerous because my egos get fed easily. For instance at work my colleagues might be being sarcastic or negative, and I will feel compelled to make jokes or comments in the same way to fit in. So there's some fear, negativity and some pride in there I think.

In terms of fear, I still have egos that want people to like me and that care what people think (even though I try and fight them), and these make me talk too much. That happens in the above situation, or when there is an uncomfortable silence, and I think I should say something (rather than just being comfortable if I'm aware). Or in other circumstances where I feel people are expecting me to talk.

I also talk too much sometimes to cover a lack of understanding or experience, so like where you talked about answering questions with a lot of words, if I'm unsure I'll sometimes talk for a long time around a question, rather than answering it directly and to the point (or saying sorry I don't know). Also if I lack experience in something then I might tell stories from the Master's or give quotes to try to cover that (slowly fixing this one!). Sometimes I have to be very careful I don't talk as if I know what I'm talking about!

A lot of pride tries to come out through my mouth too, through enjoying talking about myself and my experiences (I've suffered for that in the past!). If my egos get on a roll I can hear them saying 'I did this', 'I did that', 'This happened to me' etc in my head, and trying to push their way out of my mouth. I can also talk without meaning too about how I'm better than others, and I think generally in humanity those egos might be the source of a lot of gossip, malicious feelings of being better than others, and enjoying looking down on people or hearing about how they suffered. Pride also appears with preaching to others (especially bad when I'm not doing what I'm preaching myself!)

The scary thing is, sometimes I don't even really listen to people because I'm just waiting for my next chance to talk!

The friends coming to you for advice situation is a difficult one. I guess you just need to use your common sense and if necessary tell them that you can't get involved because you know both of them..

It seems like it's easy sometimes for the egos to ride over the consciousness and express themselves, and then they use what you've said and it's affect as a way to feed off your regret as I think Gyorgi said. Sometimes though the regret is sincere from my conscience and I feel properly remorseful, and then it's a strong reminder not to do it again.

When I can manage to talk consciously there's such a difference to when I'm talking with egos. If I'm aware, I usually don't say that much, and small talk seems silly or a waste of time :) and I'm generally comfortable without talking. Things can come out of my mouth I don't expect and maybe wouldn't normally have said or understood to say, but they fit the circumstance or conversation perfectly!

Something that helps when I can remember to do it is being aware of people's mouths moving while they talk, and of mine when I'm talking. Helps to remind me what I'm supposed to be doing, and remember how important it is to listen to people!

I'll have to look up your post on talking in awareness. Thanks Vadim!

I generally overtalk just because I have a disorder, it's a social disorder, hence i'm never able to converse with other people very well. So when I have a successfull conversation, succesfull meaning i'm able to talk and have a good time and not feel embarrased because I said something stupid, I get a sort of good feeling because I worked past my disorder.

Also, if im uneasy about certain things, such as astral projection when I first heard about it. I tend to ask alot of questions to make sure every aspect is ok and i'm comfortable with it. I'm sure everyone noticed I asked quite a few questions and I do thank everyone for the comments they gave me and re assurance =D

Hi David,

It was very interesting to read about your experiences. I could see myself in many (all) of them.

Yeah, it can be very useful to find those covers in the way we talk, attempts to hide the lack of understanding and experience. A good excuse for it can be, the perceived necessity to hold your image of a teacher, adviser, expert...
Talk like you know more about it than you actually do.
But many can feel it!

Yes, I think the best solution with that "friends situation" usually can be just to make your position clear .
"Look, I want both of you to be my friends, I like and respect both of you and will be very happy if you will find a way out of that conflict. Come on, guys. Am I not right?"

Hmmm...yeah, that's an interesting trick about being aware of mouthes, thanks!

Yes, I know, that's so amazing to talk from awareness. Then your words make so much sense after, but you don't even try to be smart or think in advance. You just let your consciousness to speak. You try to be attentive of all you can perceive...and just speak.

With elimination of egos, like Gabrielle was suggesting about pause, taking a small pause can really help for that. With experience we can learn to make it a natural part of our styles to speak.

Thanks a lot for your comments David!
I find them very useful.

Hi Jon,

Yes, I know, I can be shy to talk in a certain situation, but then, when the barrier is broken, it is not easy to stop me from talking. Also my voice gets loud and I talk too fast then.

Yeah, me too, if I am not sure about something, like you said, I try to ask so many questions to calm myself but actually I find, it can lead even to more fear!

Thanks a lot for your insightful comments Jon!

Much strength to learn how not to talk too much for Everyone who has this problem!

Hello vadim

This topic reminded me today not to give up into so much talk. I was involved in a such situation at work today and just thought about the topic when i wanted to start. I think i could retire myself a bit, so thanks for posting it. It was a good reminder.

jonny

I am coming to the slow realization that talking over forums is much different then in real life. People tend to analyze and overanalyze when something is in print, where as speech seems freer and people judge less, realizing one may be rambling.......

I don't talk enough. There are certainly egos behind that as well!

Use as many notes as you need inside your song, neither more nor less.