cant think of a title .. personal experience
cant think of a title .. personal experienceSubscribe |
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Fri, 02/02/2007 - 00:03
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James K
Join Date: 2004-02-02 Forum Posts: 14 |
hey guys, I used to visit this site and Mysticweb almost everyday and chat with people, signed up with all the courses. I went through about half of the first course "astral travel' and then became totally phased by my social life and school, then came the parties, the alcohol, and the occasional smoking marijuana... and I dont want any people to be thrown off by what I have just mentioned, but that was only a little while ago i have realised that i dont want to be with that sort of crowd anymore, I do not doubt that i will not go to parties anymore and such, because i know i will, and share in the celebration with some beer, although not go over board ofcourse. Although i still want to carry on with the courses and learn about self knowledge and experience astral travel. I was about 12-13 when i was really into this and between then and last year is when i kind of lost control of myself, im 16 turning 17 and I still want to carry one in the discovery, i feel like I've kind of just pushed myself away and i dont know how to continue..Please guys, no disrespect, its just the truth and i want to work it out. Can some people share with maybe there own experiences or point me in the right direction?Thanks, James. |
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Join Date: 2004-09-05
Forum Posts: 1424
Welcome back! I think it's great that you want to change and that you are being so active in doing so.
When I first started doing the work, I was still going out with friends and drinking. As I started really practicing self-observation, it became clear that these behaviors aren't good for doing the spiritual work. Not only that, but each time I did it, the egos were getting much stronger. I realized I needed to change, but it was really difficult at first.
To me, alcohol is a hard one to do in moderation because once you start to drink, your perspective changes. For me, there were a lot of times when I would say I would just drink a little and then by the end of the night, I'd had much more. After this happening several times, I made the decision to stop drinking all together.
The one thing I would suggest that helped me the most is to target and eliminate the egos that keep you going back to these situations. Make a list of the egos you need to go after, and use the meditation on an ego and elimination techniques as your weapons, if you've taken the Self Discovery and Gnostic Wisdom courses. If you've not taken the courses, it will help to use the awareness practices from the Astral course. Also, ask for guidance in your dreams to see the egos that need to be eliminated.
If you are willing to put in the effort to eliminate the egos, it is a lot easier to change your behaivors and to commit to the choices you make. If others are drinking now, it doesn't bother me, I don't feel like I need to do it because the egos are gone. Whereas in previous times, it would take so much willpower because I hadn't actually eliminated those egos.
It is really worth it to eliminate to these egos. Remember that each time we eliminate the egos, something beautiful grows within us.
Much strength, James!
Gabrielle
Join Date: 2003-12-29
Forum Posts: 894
It's wonderful that you still wish to change.
All radical change is difficult. There is a lot of darkness within, and this is what traps us in our old vices; there's a certain pleasure in going along with our vices and it takes a lot of willpower to overcome them. But the rewards are well worth any struggles.
When I first took the astral course, I still went out to drink at parties and I did a lot of other things I really regret. My habits were very destructive.
The self-discovery course really opened my eyes to the state I was in, and I realized that a lot needed to be changed and I began to see how mechanical my habits were. Yet I was still very lost, and all I could really do at the time was struggle to push away the darkness (the egos) when it came upon me, and often get lost within it. Finally in the Gnostic Wisdom Course I learnt the technique to eliminate the egos and I could finally start to replace the inner darkness with Light. This finally allowed me to die to my vices, and through a continued effort (still with lots of struggling) my behaviour began to change for the better.
By struggling and practicing hard, even in the difficult times, I found that I started gaining experience: I'd wake up in my dreams more, have astral projections, get a real taste of inner peace (one particularly powerful instance was life-altering and has given me more strength than I could describe in words), and gain an understanding of my various egos. This really helped build willpower because I could see results.
The right direction seems to be fighting as hard as possible, despite the darkness, striving to gain experience, and eliminating the egos.
All the strength to you!
ML
Join Date: 2006-06-21
Forum Posts: 163
I would like to share my experience.
When I was young I used to have strange and lucid dreams. I was always more interested in the spiritual side of life, as well as all the world's great mysteries. But unfortunately I never knew where to turn, or perhaps I didn't possess a burning desire to begin searching for how to discover more (this was long before Gnosticweb).
Regrettably, I decided to forget the spiritual life and pursue a life of pleasure. I really didn't think what I did in the beginning was such a big deal (smoke a bit, drink a bit, party a bit), but as the sad situations and heartbreaks built up, things got pretty desperate. The process of degradation was gradual, but at the worst it was very, very bad.
But coming across the Gnostic teachings began to stoke that fire of spiritual yearning within me. I knew I had to make big changes, as it would have been impossible for me to continue living as I had. So, after doing as much research as I could I decided to put in efforts beyond what I had ever before applied, and try to be stronger than that which had always brought me down.
Now that I look back, the comparison of the two lives I led 'before and after' is astounding. Life became much simpler. I managed to shake off (at least partly) the depression which had held on to me for more than ten years. I was able to get everything organized, and work on improving my relationships. After a week I began to have numerous conscious Astral experiences, some which were incredibly inspiring for me to continue.
I found the Gnostic courses to be indispensable, and attending the centre here in Brisbane has helped a lot (if you live near the Perth centre, perhaps you could attend lectures in person - there is much strength built up when you meet with people of similar interests).
Things are still hard now, but that is just the nature of life that each of us must deal with. At least now I know much more about what's going on.
I would suggest that you honestly ask yourself what you would like your priorities to be. There are rewards which are there for us, greater than anything material, born within us as we overcome the darkness. Getting off the pendulum of pleasure and pain is vital for us to find peace.
Above all, prayer is the most important thing! It is your own Being (Divine Mother and Father) who can give you all the help you need. All you have to do is ask, and be open to their help.
Much Strength!
Join Date: 2004-11-30
Forum Posts: 2930
From my experience, I can just say that those egos causing us to drink, party etc., won't go away easily. They will come back in many forms and will try to convince you to come back to them.
They will use a hard aproach -just giving you this strong desire to do it, or a soft approach -any possible excuses to start it over. Or both in the same time!
So it is not a one choice - not to do it, but it is many choices...
It is a battle.
It is a battle to win!
Fortunately with the progress in Spiritual Work those choices will become easier.
Alcohol will slowly lose all of its attractiveness...after doing practices for a while, helping others spiritually, working on those egos, doing the Keys.
Good luck -never come back to that world of parties and drinking!
Join Date: 2004-05-28
Forum Posts: 1008
i find a video on google video that is very inspiring to watch. i watched it tonight. it is good to set aside the time to watch it. if you search "dalai lama" on video.google, it is titled "His Holiness - The XIV Dalai Lama", like the 4th result from the top, 59 minutes. anyways like the first 15 minutes can be skipped, just the introduction. about a full 35 minutes or so of him talking, it is very inspiring to me.
if you just stop everything all of a sudden you will likely cause problems. without conviction, which develops over time with more self-observation, more efforts in awareness, more compassion for the state of Humanity in which we live and have our being, without this conviction then you would just cause a rebellion to the Work later on, feeling like you didn't have the chance to "just live" and that you were forced into doing something you didn't want to do.... this is not to say that it's not extremely important to stop destructive behaviour, just that we should do it of our own accord not because we feel like someone else is making us do it.
wish you the best. the courses here should start soon. thank you for the honesty, it is refreshing.
Join Date: 2004-02-02
Forum Posts: 14
James.
Join Date: 2005-02-16
Forum Posts: 670
Take care.
Join Date: 2005-11-01
Forum Posts: 18
Join Date: 2004-08-04
Forum Posts: 161
I have had a somewhat similar experience to you. I started getting into this a while ago, did a couple of the courses that were run back then and was getting interested in it all. Then life started to be all consuming, with parties, alcohol, drugs and everything that goes along with them. I too think I was given a second chance (I think I would have given up on me). I started to see how useless that kind of life is, that I wasn't at all happy doing those things. That there was only pain and suffering for no good reason.
And now we have been given a chance to do this work. It is up to each one of us to make the most of it.
If we are here and interested there is hope. It would be quite cruel if we were interested in this and there was no chance for us to get anywhere. But it still is a struggle for everyone, it's not easy, if it was we would all be completely conscious. The important thing is to keep trying to improve on what we can do. Can we be more aware than what we are right now? Can we observe better? Disintegrate the egos more effectively?
All the strength to everyone!
Trent
Join Date: 2006-08-23
Forum Posts: 64