Hi Jeni

the best tip ican give you is to stay as aware as you can ,by this i mean staying in the now not getting distracted by thoughts ,feelings ,emotions which when it is already hot in the kitchen is not needed , a great way to stay in the present moment is by using our five senses while doing things ,it takes practice but is very usefulland helpfull.

regards David .

Hello Jeni,

Thats a quite a good question.

David gave a good answer and to expand on that there is a course on this site called Self Discovery and Peace that addresses elements such as these.

To add on to what David has already stated I find it can help to logic things which helps me to snap out of any negativity and in turn search for awareness.
To do this I simply look at what is bothering me and look at it in a clear and detached way putting it in perspective against the immensity of the universe and see how insignificant the problem that is facing me really is.

How we approach things I think is critical in whatever perspective we take will deem what we gain, or lose. Some of the most trying circumstance can be quite valuable if we approach them right.

I remember a story...ok.. more like a joke that I think is quite good.

There is a pessimist (thinks negatively) and an optimist (thinks positively). A couple of scientists do an experiment and place the pessimist in a room full of toys, games etc and the optimist in a room full of horse manure. They than observe.
The pessimist sits in the middle of the room and touches nothing and does nothing yet the pessimist with shouts of glee digs through the manure having the time of his/her life.
The scientists somewhat perplexed go and question these two on there actions or lack of them.
The pessimist responds to the question of why he/she is not playing with the toys by stating that they could get hurt on that one, fall of that one there, or get electrocuted by this one over there.
The pessimist...well.. he continues to dig through the manure throwing it this way and that even while the scientist asks him what he is doing.
The pessimist finally responds-with all this manure there has to be a horse under here somewhere.

Adam.

Hi Jeni

Thats a pretty tough question to answer. Trying days sort of unfold through a series of events and inner states that arise accordingly.

When I have a tough day things just seem to pile up one upon the other, people ask questions, issues arise etc. This can become pretty overwhelming and all sorts of horrible thoughts and feelings arise within me. Unless I get out of this state I can spiral down into despair

To break this cycle requires huge efforts and discipline. I try to really focus on the most immediate and pressing issue and deal with it, not allowing thoughts about all the other things break my concentration. Once I've finished one, I move on to the next one. Often I'll write a list so I can prioritise and keep track of whats next.

If I continue with this approach I can break the inner states that cause the despair, and despite everything around me being chaotic I can achieve a peacful rhythym.

The Gnosticweb Self Discovery course provides a framework to use to understand how trying days can overwhelm us, and how to begin to break that cycle.

What kind of circumstances arise when you have a trying day?

Cliff

Recently I have been living at my parents house. My boyfriend is in another state living at his parents house until he can find a house for us to move into. We figured it would be better if it was just him at his parents than both of us (imagaine the possible conflicts during that situation!). Anyways, my mother is a stay at home mom so unless I have a reason to leave, I see her all day every day. I love her very much but she insists on talking about things that easily put me in a downward spiral. For instance she will NOT stop talking about what she believes is going to happen in 2012. She's driving me nuts and I'm just trying to hold it together. I'm here for as long as it takes my boyfriend to find a place for us. It's simply pushing me to my limits living in my mothers house again.

 Jeni

Hi Jeni,

The FAMILY are the ones who can push our Wrong buttons like no one else can push them. It's no doubt you need help!

For what it's worth, I myself have been known by my family to go on and on about certain topics. And it was my wife who finally confronted me by telling me that what I was saying, and all the negativity I was expressing, was very hard on her to hear and it was bringing her down and down and so on.

The thing is, I was amazed by her saying this. I honestly and truly had no idea in France that she was suffering by my expanding upon the injustice and stupidity I was harping against. And over some time, I did get the idea and it sank in and I started to see her point of view. At first, I was hurt because I thought she wasn't sympathizing. What I learned, and probably what your Mom has to learn, too, is that you shouldn't take sympathizing for granted. Which sadly is what happens when you have someone you love as an audience.

So, have you tried telling her how the 2012 thing is so deadly for you to hear again and again? You might have to try more than once if it's stuck in there!

 That makes alot of sense Scot, thanks!

 I guess what I need to do is find a way to approach her about this so I don't set her on the defensive. That's what's been happening when I try to talk to her about it. I suppose I'm not properly explaining that it makes me sick to hear about politics or this and that that's in the news. I don't watch the news because I don't want to be distressed over how horrible humans can be and it seems to me that discussing politics only winds people up unecissarily.

How were you approached about your 'toxic' subject (s)?

Jeni

Hi there Jeni, and welcome.

I have a similar situation to Scot's, but I am on the other end of other family members ignorance. It's been a good opportunity to learn abut the psyche in general.

"...I don't watch the news because I don't want to be distressed over how horrible humans can be ..."

- Although people can't ignore things they don't like in the world and expect that they'll go away, or not affect oneself, more people need to be aware that TV is not reality anyway. Sounds like you're doing fine :)

Thanks Apakhana, it's nice to be reassured.

 I agree that things can't just be ignored, however dwelling on them is also bad if there's nothing to personally do about it besides not contributing to the problem. It's just a matter of finding a happy medium between the two.

Jeni

So, Jeni,

My wife would just get upset with me. And that would snap me out of my ego-venting-anger mode. And I'd be amazed! I wouldn't understand how she was feeling upset. I'd tell her, it's not You I'm speaking against, I don't mean to have any anger go your way! But she wasn't thinking that, she was speaking on a different level, like she knew that it's not good to get into negativity, no matter how good your reasons are. That was a lesson that I had not at the time learned.

Your Mom may be channeling a different ego - fear. I assume that's what the 2012 end of the world topic stirs up for her. But whatever ego it is, it's the same unawareness on her part that lets an ego come through her like that.

I hope this is helpful - it's up to you to jump into your Mom's problems that have become your problems! May you jump with the Grace to help her understand. One thing you said about her getting defensive shows you know, on some level, how to go at it. It's gotta be with intuition on your part. Good luck, Jeni.

Scot,

Yes, that is indeed helpful. I've talked to her about how I do not like her discussing events covered in the news because of how it makes me feel. She understood where I was coming from and is going to try to not talk about it (at least around me). We've made a step forward to living more harmoniously with each other!

Thank's for the advice and if you've got more then please keep it comin'!

Jeni