raising children

Hi Katie
I don't have children myself, so can only postulate and speak from the experience of being a child myself.

Personally, as a child, I was highly individualistic and hated being told what to do and if my parents had laid down rules for me based on their ideas of religion/spirituality, I would have hated it and done exactly the opposite. Things like no TV, video games, I can see the sense in it, especially if the movies are highly lust based and the video games are the shooty shooty bang bang ones almost everyone seems to play.

I would try to apply common sense as a parent and understand that children are individuals and need to learn through experience what is good and bad and what works for them and what doesn't and that they can't learn through our experiences and understanding.

In practical terms, if I had kids, I would be inclined to limit TV hours, keep an eye on what they watch, monitor internet usage and what video games they are playing (and stop them from playing the violent ones) until they get to a certain age of course, not cut things out completely.

It is horrible to have your feelings hurt at school, I was always the odd one out and was teased many a time! Take heart though, they will get over it!
Just do the best you can (and it sounds like you are!), love them and be there for them and the rest will follow!
a.

Hi Katie,

I have two daughters aged 8 and 2. They teach me so much about myself. There are many egos to be observed when I respond to them. If I don't respond back with an ego, their tantrums usually goes away.

I do not lock myself away from my children when practicing the exercise such as meditation, mantras, asanas, etc. I let them see that these practices are normal and part of daily life. Sometimes my daughter will sing the mantra and practice the asanas with me.

I speak to them about Divine Mother and Father. If my daughter talks about her nightmare or some strange dream, I would ask her to pray to Divine Mother for help. When my daughter is feeling lazy to do her homework, I would ask her to pray to Divine Mother to remove the laziness. If my daughter pesters me to bring her swimming, I would ask her to ask her Divine Mother to bring her there at night. I told her that she can go swimming daily in the astral.

I want them to feel natural and normal about Gnostic teachings. I never forced them to do any of the practices. I do limit TV programs. Instead of telling them what not to watch, I simply don’t subscribe to cable TV and I don’t keep any movies at home that I don’t want them to watch.

It takes lot of effort to keep up with children and do the practices. Wish you all the best in your efforts.

Regards,
Siva

Hi Katie,

I don't have children, maybe this quote can help, when I've heard it, I felt that there is something very true about it based on my experience of being a child.
I'll translate it into English, it's from George Gourdjieff's works:

question: "Untill what time is is possible to lead a child?"

answer: "Actually, growing up of a child must be based on that principle that everything must start from their own wish. Nothing should be given to them in completely prepared form. You may just suggest them an idea, instead of directing them, or lead them, indirectly, from far, lead them from one thing to the desired point. I never teach directly, otherwise my students would never learn anything. If I want, that one of my students would change, I start from far, or communicate with another one, and in this way he learns.

That must occur in the same way, because the things which are told to a child directly, are accepted mechanically, and later it will manifest only mechanically."

Hi,

I don't have kids and don't want any either but I remember clearly when I was young.

Alot of the kids I knew that were handled strictly by their parents - like no TV at all, only Christian books, those kids' parents said "I" was a bad influence because I was hyper and liked fireworks, etc... they ended up being the one's that were drug addicts and had kids when they were 14. So go figure.
Your kids will do whatever they want to do.
You can't change what's in them, just steer them in the right direction and hope they realize truth on their own.
You can't shelter them either, especially in this world.

I also agree that people should get over themselves and actually listen to their kids.
I remember being the frustrated toddler because no one takes you seriously when you're only 2. Kids do say really funny things, but even if their perspective may not be right, intuition is alot sharper in a child than an adult.
They may not be "smart" but they sure aren't stupid if you understand my point.

I'm not telling anyone what to do, I'm just saying remember when you were a kid and act on that awareness.

oh my gosh! thank you everyone for your replies! they are all so helpful!

thank you ahona, vadim, and apakhana!
i know what everyone one is saying about not pushing too much on children. religious/spritual teachings or not, kids have to learn from experiences. thank you for reminding me! i think that since (during some crucial adolescent/teenage years) i had very little guidance myself - and i got lost - i want to be able to provide some sort of guidance spiritually for them. i want to try to incorporate as much as i am learning into their lives...not force anything on them. thank you so much for pointing out that guidance is the key - not being overly crazy about things. i might be overly paranoid about them because i know how bad i was during my teenage/young adult years! i know whats possible and that there is actually worse (eek!).

thank you vadim for that quote...that definitely makes sense!

and thanks ahona for the encouraging words! sometimes as a single parent you forget that you are doing the best you can.

i do feel like i need to cut video games out completely because i see how sucked in they get. especially my 8yr old. and its almost like they are obsessed with them...but when they go to friends houses or have friends over ive been letting them play..i feel torn about that issue..

and thank you Siva for sharing how you relate to your daughters. i was wondering how much to share with them. i do yoga regularly and they watch and occassionally do it with me along with meditating and sometimes singing mantras too :). i too want my children to feel natural and normal about Gnostic teachings. you have given me much insight into this..thank you very much!

and yes apakhana...i do understand your point. i feel like i am very lucky and so far, my boys and i have a very good relationship. i listen to their questions/concerns..everything. i take them seriously because i do remember not being listened to! and you are right. a child's intuition is sharper. i have experienced this first hand....

whew! sorry for the enormous post! thank you everyone who took the time to share their thoughts!

if anyone else with children (or without) has any other things to share..im listening :)

It sounds like you are doing a great job Katie, your boys are lucky to have a mum like you :)!!

Hi Katie,

I would imagine that it is quite a challenge to raise three boys on your own. I have a baby boy and have been thinking about similar issues for a while now.

I haven't decided yet about a lot of things. I think that it is good to give children choices and not to force things on them, when possible and appropriate. However, at the same time, parents have to provide guidance when necessary to protect them and watch out for their best interest. Personally, I am going to work to try to find that balance.

There are a few values that I hope to instill in my son, such as respect for others and nature, good health, and self-knowledge. I don't think that teaching him these things would go against his free will, but I will keep an open mind as I go along.

I am also with you on reducing video games, tv, etc... I would be careful in taking them all away at once. That may lead to resentment and withdrawal...and could even lead them to replace it with something worse. Maybe you could help them to get involved in more constructive activities that you both feel would be worthwhile, so that they don't feel like they are just losing out...rather they are gaining something new from it.

Another thing that you can teach them through your interactions is how to relate to other people. By being a good role model, like you suggested, you could teach them how to really listen to others and have "organic" conversations that go beyond small talk, etc...

I'd love to hear any advice you have as well. It is such a huge responsibility to be a parent...and a great opportunity to learn about ourselves.

Take care,

Gabrielle

oh ahona thank you...if i could give you a hug right now..i would! :)

yes gabrielle...finding the balance is what i am finding is the key...
i dont plan on taking away TV completely..but i have phased out a lot of TV and movie that i didnt even think twice of before.

and i like the what you said -
"There are a few values that I hope to instill in my son, such as respect for others and nature, good health, and self-knowledge. I don't think that teaching him these things would go against his free will"

thank you! ive been trying to teach respect for nature and good health (i am vegetarian..but i still let them eat meat..but i am honest about where the meat comes from....and that way they can make their own choices.). its the self knowledge part that i was not sure how to approach. but the way you worded it makes perfect sense to me and i think youre right - that would not go against their free will.

thank you so much!
and Siva is right...keeping up with the practices does require extra effort with children. but, like he (and you) said also, it does give us wonderful oppurtunities to learn about ourselves...and learn patience!!! :)

the only advice i can give right now is be open about your own sprituality with your child. i have been with mine...and its nice to answer their questions and bond in that way. i was just having a hard time finding that balance (in my mind) of what to be really strict about and what to let them learn on their own. this blog has helped so much. im so thankful for this! and gabrielle, when i have more experience being a Gnostic parent (since i feel like i have to learn a lot more!)..i will most likely have more advice to give! and your baby will be a little boy...and i will be able speak from experience :)
take care!
katie

Hi Katie,

Yes, I know what you mean about patience. There seem to be lessons on patience in everyday I live now.

Thanks for the advice about being open about what I do. That makes sense. I have actually wondered how I should approach that.

I'm looking forward to hearing your insights in the future :)

Gabrielle

Hi Katie,
Children have their parents as prototypes.You can tell them a thousand things and they will do the opposite.But if they see you in action then they will learn from this.
Don't tell them for example "Don't drink alcohol!". Take them somewhere where they will see the results of alcohol.
I grew up in a Gnostic family but until I was14 when I joined Gnosis I didn't think much of it.Sometimes I even wished for my parents to leave this nonsense because I was not able to live like my friends.
I remember my father once told me that he wanted me to tell him my dreams the next day.I was about 8 or 9 years old.I wanted so much to remember them that I became lucid in my dreams flying here and there around my neighbourhood repeating to myself " I will tell this to my dad".
It is so easy for children to give results to practices because of the simplicity they look at things.Take advantage of this.

All the best