Realization of thoughts and egos mess

Posted February 27th, 2008 by chivasilop

I woke up this morning feeling "heavy" (I slept around 3:30 last night), yet slowly I started to feel good and clear.
In my way to work a thought crossed my mind (for a topic that troubles me the last days).
Why our mood is changing day by day? Why my energy levels are sometimes high, other low?

How this happens?

The last days I noticed that when in my day were gaps with emotions/egos this also reflected to my practice. I have noticed and understood this previously yet it started to bother me a lot these days as how it works.

The minute I got this question through me the picture of a situation I experienced via a mediation practice flashed (during meditation on pride).
There I saw a scene like as I was in a desperate position while bugs, insects of all kinds were trying to rip me apart bitting small bits of me.
I immediately recalled the agony I experienced.

Now, (all these in seconds), there was a deep connection, understanding and explanation of these two situations.

Thoughts and egos are what bite small pieces of me everyday. Elimination of these bugs must be done immediately and without thought.
This is why at nightly or daily practices I have less energy. This is why my concentration and mood and energy and many things has this fluctuation.

Getting deeper...
What is our vehicle of trying to find, live the inner path and conquer divine? In this early stages of our efforts and research.
Of course it is our physical body for start, our conscious, our energy level. All this affect will power and all other primary weapons we try to build.

Now if you were an ego where would you hit first? Mix up the mind, reduce energy levels, inject thoughts, make the person really week from all points of view.
I got amazed and challenged to see the tactics.

I see now. Heaven is gained with fight!
The solution is one: FIGHT BACK! Be aware, stop thoughts, practice, eliminate!
Know why you do it! Not, simply do it without understanding the mechanics of why to do it.

Thank you all Teachers of now and past that give us the way to see!

Thanks. :)

ruttergod's picture
On February 28th, 2008 Jim B. says:

Thanks. :)

Thanks for sharing

Vadim's picture
On February 28th, 2008 Vadim says:

Thanks for sharing Chivasilop,

Yes, it's quite interesting to undertand the mechanics of egos interferences.

For example, I can start the practice on a strong foot, but then feel like I am very tired and need to rest...OVERCOME IT...then suddenly I remember something very important I need to deal with, wait a sec, what happened...OVERCOME IT...then I realize that I am thirsty, why not to stop the practice and go drink something, maybe eat too...OVERCOME IT...and here a wonderuful idea comes to my mind, now I know what I need to do in my life, but if I go with that, later I would find that it was a mere illusion, or something not "that important" to stop the practice...OVERCOME IT...finally, I realize that I overcame a lot, I feel good, such a good job I've made, I am the man...OVERCOME IT.

For me it's really a fight, like you say.
Fight for real, fight for the truth.

thank you for sharing this.

kate's picture
On February 28th, 2008 katie says:

thank you for sharing this. it is exactly what i needed to read right now....and it has helped me out actually. pretty powerful words. thank you again!

Hi Vadim, that was really

Lucia's picture
On March 10th, 2008 Lucia says:

Hi Vadim,

that was really funny, thank you very much for the detailed description of your practice, it is exactly how it works (or does not work) for me as well ... :-)

Lots of strength!
Lucia

Hi Lucia, Yes, for me it's

Vadim's picture
On March 10th, 2008 Vadim says:

Hi Lucia,

Yes, for me it's always like egos come up with all kind of tricks...and the solution is always the same -not to pay attention to them and keep going with a practice.

Thanks for your kind wish - lots of strength is what I really need.

A lot of strength to you too!

Vadim