Life at Work 3

Posted December 28th, 2007 by Kevin K.

Hi again all! It's been a bit here, but finally I'm writing the third installment of Life at Work. I'm going to be uploading some pictures of my now-former cubicle (because our office is moving buildings), but I have to edit the images some so they don't show any potentially sensitive information...so I'll do that later on and add the pictures.

Anyway, now that that's out of the way, I'll write about how it's been going with trying to be aware on the computer.

I still find this to be quite difficult, but I think that I'm getting more used to it and starting to understand a bit more about the direction I have to go in. I have suffered some setbacks (usually not being as consistent with practicing as I could be) but still trying nonetheless. I think that if I do that and do it smart, I'll be able to get past my difficulties.

I still find a big one to be the fascination with the computer. Lots of people have told me how fascinating they find computers and about the effects of them. While I agree, I also feel that in the end, it really comes down to me. Therefore, I keep trying and try to fix my approach so I can get it to work. Anyway, in particular with fascination, I notice that I feel that I have to be that way on the computer - that I won't be able to think properly if I'm not, or that I'll blank out somehow mentally. But I notice a lot of these relatively unfounded assumptions - things I think, but don't really know, that my mind tries to fool me with. So I've started to believe them less, but I think they must be quite established in my psyche since I tend to often be tricked by them.

The other main thing I'd like to share is that I notice I can try to go about the whole thing too unnaturally, which causes me to feel resistance to it - like awareness then doesn't flow, that is - and I end up losing it. So, I have been trying also to just generally be concentrated on what I am doing. I hope to, in the end (and sooner than later) be aware of every key I'm pressing, each mouse movement, etc., but what I find important in the beginning is to be aware of what I am doing, but without almost forcing it in a way, because that just adds pressure and confusion to the whole thing that doesn't need to be there.

Of course, I still run into difficulties anyway, so it's an ongoing learning process.

Has anybody tried the thing I mentioned with paying specific attention to keyboard or mouse movements? I'm wondering if anybody has felt it was unnatural at first, but that it got more natural later on. Hopefully that last line made sense :)

Kevin 

Hello Kevin, Maybe it's a

Pau's picture
On December 28th, 2007 Pau says:

Hello Kevin,

Maybe it's a bit late for me to jump in, being the 3rd installment, but I hope that's okay.

Did you read the Talks in Quebec that the Master put up at his website recently? I found those very helpful and deal a lot with awareness and self-observation.

I'm not sure if this is what you meant, but trying to be aware of every keyboard or mouse movement is probably involving the mind too much in the process. It's like with playing the piano, you can't focus on every single key you push especially when you play fast. Rather I think it's best to try to have more of an overall awareness in what you are doing. To give a silly example, if during an awareness walk you try to be aware just of how your index finger moves as your hand swings by your side, that's going to break the natural flow of it and you will lose awareness of everything else.

I think the best is to investigate as much as we can how the awareness and self-observation work throughout the whole day, the effort needs to be very continuous, having activities where we focus solely upon learning how it works, then take that knowledge back to more complex activities like talking, reading or working with the computer and then take it from there.

Hi Kevin, Thanks for this

DeanW's picture
On December 29th, 2007 Dean says:

Hi Kevin,

Thanks for this post. As I am sitting at a computer at the moment ;-) it has brought my attention to a big problem I have. Which is that my shoulders keep tensing up. I have to keep continuously bringing my focus back and keep relaxing my shoulders. I think that for me anyway, this will serve as a good trigger/reminder for awareness.

Do you find that you tense up sitting at the computer?

Thanks for the replies

Kevin's picture
On December 29th, 2007 Kevin K. says:

Thanks for the replies guys.

Pau - Yeah, I'm about halfway through the talks. I was actually at that retreat, so it's interesting to see how much I missed :)

Dean - yeah, I run into that as well. Often happens when I start to ponder something, for example. I wonder actually what the long-term effects of the body being tense through the day are (and, conversely what the long-term effects of it being relaxed are...)

Cheers,
Kevin