Hello Isabella,

Try to spot all the beliefs you have accepted, seeing them as being the absolute truth when in reality you do not know the truth. It is very dangerous to belive something you have no clue of. When the unknown becomes instantaniously known, it means that a new illusion is being born.

If I was in your shoose, I would first of all practice a very attentive self-observation to see from where those panic attaks begin to appear. I would not let my guard off untill I would realize the whole conflict inside me.

As any fear is a product of our past, any insecurity being an illusion created by our thoughts which are all coming from our life's experiences, I would put all of it away and would simply observe inwards and outwards simultaniously to see them while being completely detached from my past.

This way I would not worry about my future since I would be in the eternal now. "My","Me" and "I" would then be infront of me and I would be able to face them as they are.

If you are able to do that, you would find answers to all of your questions. Take care of your self.

Hi Isabella,

A few suggestions.

-investigate the way panic attacks start, RETROSPECT the last attacks to the very beginning. What happened? Was it a particular event which initiated the first fear? A person?... What happened after? What have you felt? What thoughts came? How you behaved? etc.
If it gets unpleasant to watch it, you can simply put yourself more further away from those images, or push "pause" on your "remote control", get comfortable and come back. You control it the way you need.

-explore detachment from fear. It can be very productive to come back to the very basics. Awareness. What does it mean to be OBSERVING centres, to stay detached from everything which does manifest in the centres? What is the flavour of the present moment? Applying the technique given by Master Belzebuub: "Look, look again", can help a lot. Concentration exercises can improve a lot the ability to choose whether to be attached or detached, how to control the force of attention. Maybe you can try awareness walk in the new place, more beautiful and inspiring?

-prepare for the future panic attacks and set up a GOAL now. Ok, if it will happen right now, what is the best course of action you can take? You can practice it. Then you can do the same thing in the situations with a real fear involved. Then a fear can come, but meet you fully prepared.

Please feel free to update us how it will work for you. It looks like it will take time to gradually reduce fear from the level of panic attacks to the level of slight nervousness and less. It is possible.
I think that it is a great idea to redo the courses again,
all the best with them, may you overcome this obstacle soon!

Hey Isabella,

I am currently also having some problems with fear, although not nearly as much as i had a few weeks ago. I developed a certain fears in my past when i smoked marijuana, and since i started doing this Work, that fears gradually decreased. And then all of the sudden i had a first panic attack during the walk. That initial fear caused that attack. After that attack things were geting quite rough. Fear ego brought about another fears that don't have anything to do with initial fears, it brought about some very irriational fears.

I felt pretty much like you are feeling right now, hopeless, i didnt think that i can fight with such big fear manifestations, especially when i also read somewhere that we should fight only small aspects of egos, and leting the bigger ones to pass by itself.

Then one day i talked with a friend and he said that i should apply the death even to that big manifestation (whether panic attacks or just big manifestation where you feel the fear in every part of your body) and that Death works in such situations too. He said that this is the time when we should apply extremely super effort.

That same day as i returned from outside, fear was developed to a point of a big manifestation. So i layed in bed and start applying the death over and over again. I concentrate as much as i could on my Divine Mother, feeling that she is right there with me and that im talking directly to her. After about 30 minutes of constantly applying the death, the fear was gone completely. This gave me very big confidence in my Mother. I never knew before that she has such a power, to disintegrate such big manifestations of ego.

From that day on i had easier time to fight with fear. It is still here, trying to trick me into absurd things, but knowing that we are not left on the mercy of egos, that our Divine Parents can always take it away (temporarily) if they see that we are having too much, and that our Divine mother has an enormous power with which she can disintegrate any aspect of the ego , be it big or small, to know all this helped me a lot.

I know what you mean when you say that you are afraid of everything, its incredible how fear works isn't it? I've read in one of the Samael books that fear is even afraid of life itself, which is very true. Fear doesn't want to die, but it doesn't want to live either. It is very irrational and absurd ego.

I would suggest you to fight it, you know the techniques for disintegration. Look for every tiny aspect of fear and apply the death. Know that even if that tiny aspect turns into a big manifestation, you are not helpless, your Divine mother can still disintegrate it. If you notice that fear is developing, then (if you can) stop any activity that you are doing and apply the death over and over until its gone.

And the most important thing is to pray for help. Pray to your Parents to give you strength in detaching from fear, and to help you so that you can make the difference between your conciousness and egos. Remember that you are conciounsess and not that nasty fear, and that beyond it there are incredible things happening in every moment. It will be easier to detach from it with time, because as we eliminate more and more egos, we then liberate more and more conciousness, hence it will be more and more easier to make the difference between the conciousness and the egos. People have been able to overcome fear, even a large manifestations and panic attacks.

Not sure how much you investigated about those attacks on-line, but panic attacks are not physicaly dangerous. Nothing can happen if you have a panic attack. Doctors apperently dont really know much about them, and the treatment they use is connected with anti-depressive pills, which is definetly not a solution. You CAN overcome this by yourself, people have did it before you, and so can you do it.

Here is also a Belzebuub answer to a question that you might find helpful:

http://belzebuub.com/content/gnosticweb-site-down-few-days#comments

All the strenght in overcoming this!

Although it seems that most of what needed to be said has been said, i thought i'd offer a few tips that seem to work quite well for me. I used to have panic attacks quite badly for an extended period of time and sometimes just when i thought they were going away, they came back even harder.
What i have realised is it all comes down to self-observation. You need to practice how to observe the egos in a detached way as the others have already said. There are several different ways to approach self-observation, but it seems that no matter what, you are going to have to go through lots of pain.

This is a harsh truth that i think many of us don't want to admit, but pain is a reality and its all part of self-knowledge. When you first start trying to observe egos of fear, they will knock you down over and over again. And then when you feel you have some strength you will get knocked down again, but eventually with efforts you will be able to separate from them and you will have freedom.

I can tell you from experience that you need to have faith in the consciousness. If you trust the consciousness then fear will lose much of its strength. This faith comes with time, with efforts and with suffering.

In terms of health-problems, you need to stop worrying about it. If you keep having panic attacks you will just feed lots of egos and will build a lot of tension in your body, but you're not going to die. These are just tricks of the egos. With experience and patience you will see that the consciousness is an unchanging source of peace, and the egos just distort this peace.

Fear feeds a lot when we run away from the pain of life.

A few quotes that i found very inspiring were these:

"If you are eating, eat; if you are getting dressed, get dressed, and if you are walking on the street, walk, walk, walk, but do not think about anything else. Do only what you are doing. Do not run away from the facts; do not fill them wth so many meanings, symbols, sermons and warnings. Live them without allegories, live them with a receptive mind from moment to moment."

"Action free of mental dualism produces the awakening of the consciousness."

Both of these quotes are taken from The Revolution of the Dialectic by Samael Aun Weor.

Much Strength to you.

Kind Regards,

Dave.

Nothing is lost really until you keep trying! ;)

The egos surely come back but the more efforts you put working on them you lessen their power over you.It is very important to find the very cause and to learn how to stay detached having in mind that every thought can be transformed.It is good to learn to not fall too much in the mind. What helps me too when I begin to fear of something is telling myself that the fear exists within the mind and it is its creation and in reality there is no such thing.This pushes me back to awareness and detachment state. :)

I don't know much about panic attacks but I have a friend that has some manias and also I have heard she has a fear of not killing someone or herself,she is afraid she can die in every moment because of racing heart or she could think she has a very high temperature and this will kill her etc.I have heard that the ambulance visited them often because she could think there is something wrong with her but in the end that doctor will say she is fine ........ so all in all because of her fear for example her temperature really became high but she wasn't sick and after the doctor left she was fine again.She takes antidepressants? but because of taking them for so long the pills don't have the same effect as before so they are weak for her.

I am sure you have enough power to overcome this! :)

I wish you all the best and goodluck in your battle!

Nadya

I forgot to add something which I remembered after I woke up.As well as working on yourself in your daily life don't forget to pay attention to your dreams. :)

Hi all, sorry for the late reply, I have had a couple of rough days, though nothing much out of the ordinary.
About illusions, my pains and tensions get so intense sometimes I can feel a 100% sure of there being something very very wrong, even small things as lying down feeling a bit of pressure on the back, eating and swollowing food, breathing (or not feeling the breath) or having my heart beating a little faster (or too silently) can sometimes for me be so convinsingly threatening. Fear can be very absurd indeed. My biggest fear i think is to die, especially now where I have no assurence of a life of consciousness after this. There are so many things to fight, allthough I have recognised these feelings as illusions, the pains and tensions are still as intence.
Detaching myself is my biggest problem, I identify myself with everything, even by just reading or watching something unplesant. I am a real hypocondriac. I have no problem spotting the fear, but I have not been able to put myself out of the fear to investigate it. I will work on this, thank you.
I have been using my diary a bit, where I write some of the exercises down (like remembering dreams, being aware at sertain activities, and keaping an eye out and eliminating fear, amongst other egoes), this helps me get some order in daily life, although I don't know how much progress I am doing. I really look forward for the courses to begin to get some feeling of moving forward or upwards, I am pretty sure I have reached the bottom, or if there is somewhere lower, I would not like to go there.
I pray allot, although sometimes halfheartedly when I get too convinced of there being something fysically wrong. I feel it works best when I feel it is my last resort and I am desperate. I try to have better faith in my divine parents, I have at times been amazed when I really see how much they do for me, it is mostly at my very low points that I have my doubts.
I also know I probebly should keap my focus away from myself, this is just so hard, when the attacks are constant.
Also, is there any suggestions to how to get rid of the pain and tensions? I feel them even after not noticing any fears or other feelings and thoughts. Should I use the elimination directly on these, or just try to relax (which I find very hard at times) again and again?
Another thing is that, because I find the smallest thing threatening, I wonder if I should try to do less things that trigger stress wich again trigger my panics? I go to school and find it very hard in class to fully focus upon getting rid of the egoes and sensations, yesterday I went home early and today I didn't go because I couldn't get enough sleep. I have been thinking about dropping a class to ease the pressure, or is this just a way of running? Should I insist on leading a normal functional life, taking on any challenges I come accross despite my attacks?

Thank you all so much for putting things in better perspective for me, you give me great support. Even though I have tried eliminating and relaxing my body, my main "solution" to the problem has been to watch a "feel good" movie, eating something, or playing computergames just to keep my focus away from the selfdestructive thoughts and unpleasant sensations. I have done this for months now, with occasional awareness walks, and pitifull attempts of selfawareness.
I am sure it will never be easy, and that pain is enevitable, but I hope and think I have the strength now to take up the fight and stop running, taking one moment at a time, trying not to let down my guard.

Thank you again!

Love, Isabella

Oops, sorry for the long reply!

Hi Isabella,

Please don't worry about the late reply, that's really ok.
I hope that you will feel better soon!

I can suggest you to do both relaxation and elimination in order to get rid of unpleasant and painful sensations, if they are caused by egos.

To get relaxed, you can try a different approaches, sometimes we can want to relax and think about getting relaxed and still stay tensed.

You can investigate if you can:

-tense up even more and then relax deeper
-visualize the tension leaving your body, there are many ways for it
-pray for relaxation
-massage gently the tensed place or do some easy exercises for it, for example gentle rotations in all sort of directions, exploring the range of motion.
-massage gently face, ears, eyes, jaws, shoulders and neck, palms and feet, let it all be relaxed and calm.
-calm down your breathing, take a few clearing deep inhalations and exale the tension away.
-give a strong order for the tensed part to relax immediately, really mean it, still staying calm.

All those things can help you to get more relaxed.

Regarding your choice with the class, it really depends on your circumstances.
You can reevaluate the importance of taking this class, its benefits, the reasons why you took it initially and compare it with the costs of it, problems it is causing. Dreams symbols can help you here, together with intuition.
I like the words of Prophet Mohammed about making choices. He said something like:

"If you are sure that you need to do something, do it,
If you are sure that you don't need to do something, then don't do it,
If you are not sure, then wait, untill you will be sure."

That's a great observation about the replacing activities to feel better, like to play computer games or eat good tasting food. I agree that they never solve the real problems.
This "replacement" can cause even more trouble, in the long term.

All the best in your struggle, good luck!

hello,

Many people make their lifes too busy, so they get stress and all kinds of problems.

It works for me not to plan to much and take it easy and relaxed.

When you say that you can spot the fear in the moment it is good.
Next you can ask yourself: why?
Why you feel fear? cause of loosing this or that, or what people think of you, stuff like this.

I saw with certain egos, if I understood them, already they reduced a lot.

Have strength,

Peter

Hello Isabella,

I'm sitting here and i'm trying to remember what it was like to be completely consumed by fear every single day. It was not pleasant. Although this may not help you, i know what you are going through. It is terribly painful, but perhaps it is neccessary.
Maybe you could try approaching your fear from a different perspective. Instead of seeing it as a terrible painful thing, see it as a sensation and nothing more. Its not good and its not bad. It just is. Egos are stepping stones to wisdom. Through understanding them we gain great wisdom.

I find that one of the major things that keeps me identified with egos is my negativity toward them. I have hatred towards egos because they cause me pain. In having any sort of fear, or negativity towards egos, i never really let them go. I am always gripping onto them white knuckled.

It seems that although i think that i dont like the egos, i actually have some strange obsession with them. If i truly didn't want the egos, i doubt that i would have them.

Anyway...thats just some observations i've found.

Try to be totally indifferent to egos. Don't hate them and don't like them. Just observe them.

Kind Regards,

Dave.