What is the source of entropy in this esoteric work?

Hello everyone,

I would like to discuss the main obstacle of the esoteric work. Is this the way it has to be when doing this work, must a person who is working upon himself sometimes suffer in a state of being which is known as entropy? If so, why? And if it is not neccesary then why do most of the people doing this work go in and out of this psychologically heavy state of mind?

Of course the easy answer will be: it is due to our egos, and because they are so strong and make up 97% of our subcounsciousness, egos are pushing back the efforts which a person puts in to his work. Thus, he must put extra efforts if he wants to move on.

Allthought it is the basic material of the courses, there is something strange about this way of seeing and doing the esoteric work, isn't there?

I used to stay aware as much as possible, practice mantras and all the other techniques as much as possible, put more and more efforts to finally end up in entropy. Why? The more I wanted to achieve; understanding, out of body experiences, discipline, change my self for a better me as I already knew how this better me should be, the more I ended up being in entropy.

So this desire to change, to acquire knowledge, to experience the unknown is in fact the main trigger of entropy, do you see what I mean?

There for, the whole approach to the inner work - the work in which one is learning who he is and not willingly changing himself to become someone who he thinks he should be, - should be any desire-free, prejudice-free in order for it to go on entropy-free.

Entropy is the result of all the behind mind goals while working upon your self.

Since inner and outer observation is always conditioned, there is no space for understanding. How can I understand my self if somewhere behind my mind I already know who I shell be by doing this work?

I want to become a Master of my self, and this same desire is already the obstacle for any ego-detached observation. More than that, my computer - my head, possess a huge quantity of images, ideals and understandings of what a Master should be. But the reality is that I do not know all that, it is an illusion created by my mind.

So to be able to observe, to be aware in the sense of being completely detached from my self, I have to aknowledge that I do not know anything which I have not previously observed in the same self-detached way.

I hope you see what I mean, what do you think about all that? Please, be very critical, try to see if you are unswering from your memory, it is those kind of answers I' am now learning to be aware of, and they are the kind of answers that keep us stagnant.