Choosing the Moment by Angela

So many people I know are waiting for their time to arrive. They sit back and enjoy life believing that when things are meant to be, they will occur, and until they do, that they must simply be patient. I used to be like this, throwing around sayings like, "if it's meant to happen, it will happen", "if God wills it", and "let the fates decide".

As a child I had seen things that others could not. The supernatural was a natural part of my life. And then came the teenage years, as well as a depression stemming from the horror I felt when looking upon the state of the world. At school I had always been the ‘different' one and so had spent lunchtimes alone. But now an awkward adolescent I desperately wanted friends, and to be a part of all the socialising and parties. And so, to fit in with peers, and the apathy of those around me, I started to ignore that other magical world, numbing my senses with drugs and alcohol. It was that world that now held a magic for me and the acceptance I craved.

Spirituality, my dreams of helping others and saving the world were shelved away "for the right time". Until that time somehow arrived, I just wanted to forget about humanity's problems and mine by sinking into delirium. It was time to ‘grow up', ‘get real' and ‘get a boyfriend'.

Everyone dancing in the clubs looked like they were having such a marvelous time, and there seemed to be such a wonderful energy in the air. All the young people there talked so positively about life and the future, and the music just seemed to lift my feet. I loved trailing my arms in the air and looking towards the sky while dancing, thinking to myself that my life and all those lives around me were unraveling as they should. People talked of a spiritual evolution in which every man, woman and child, every blade of grass, would one day evolve to become one with God.

But it was not long till the failed relationships, heartbreak, arguments, abuse and general boredom started to take their emotional toll. Working in a nightclub for a few years had taught me a lot about people's behavior. I could see it all from where I stood behind the bar - the human suffering, the torment and endless unhappiness. People kept looking down the tunnel of their glass for joy and fulfillment, but all they got was blindness. And then one of the alcoholic regulars committed suicide. This forced me to take a good hard look at my life and my ideas.

When I went out dancing, I could now only see darkness. The music would start, and all the people would be strung along like puppets, their eyes empty, with only their cravings in control. This wasn't the supposed happiness I had seen before. Now all that was left was a deeply tragic sadness that seemed to fill the air, and all the glasses.

As the partying lost it's appeal, the supernatural returned along with the clarity of vision I had as a child. It was not long after that I followed an intuition to give up working so many nights and attend an astral course instead.

That's where I found Gnosis (which I am eternally grateful for). Not only did I finally give up alcohol and drugs, and all the terrible and degrading behavior I had so floundered in, but I also finally took control of my life and my spiritual wellbeing. Gone are the days of philosophising about things that would one day be ‘meant to be'. Instead of waiting for fate, true happiness and love, I learnt at Gnosis to seize the very moment you are in, for it is only then that our lives will truly change and these things can then manifest. Happiness will not come to us like a stray dog - we must actively seek and create it right now.

I still have friends who believe in taking things slowly and waiting for the ‘right time' and for opportunities to present themselves, and so their lives and destiny remain unchanged as they wait for spiritual transformation to come to them. So many spiritual books and groups speak of being patient while fate takes its course, dabbling in psychic experiences in the meantime. But what good are these, when fate still decides our future? I have discovered that our lives will only change when we do. When we try to change our fate by changing the external things in our life, we do so in vain. It is only when we change what we have internally - within us, in our minds and in our hearts that we can then control our life's path.

I decided to tell this story because I think many people have had similar experiences. Ever since I was little I was waiting for something to happen to me - something that would change my life and complete my destiny. And so I waited and waited, and still nothing came - no spaceship, no magic guru, no flying carpet or mystical power! That's when the downward spiral into nonchalance began. But then it became clear to me. I stopped waiting, and realized that all change was within me. I could begin my journey whenever I chose, and so I chose now.

I came across this excerpt from the Nag Hammadi Library whilst writing the above article, and found that it eloquently and simply encapsulates what I am trying to say.

His disciples said to him, "When will the kingdom come?"
"It will not come by waiting for it. It will not be a matter of saying ‘here it is' or ‘there it is'.
Rather, the kingdom of the father is spread out upon the earth, and men do not see it."
(The Gospel of Thomas - The Nag Hammadi Library)

Related Articles