Hi Bill
I dont have kids (as you know :) so am not entirely sure if what I am going to say is relevant or helpful, thought I'd give it a shot anyway.

The most important thing with tantrums and unacceptable behaviour is showing the children that it is unacceptable and that you mean it.
The only time I remember throwing a tantrum was when I was 5 and started screaming and rolling on the floor of a toy shop because I wanted a toy. My dad smacked me and walked out of the shop, when I realised he had just left me there, I got up and ran after him very quickly. I dont remember ever throwing a tantrum after that!
On the other hand, my sister always got her way as a child when she threw tantrums, screaming and crying and yelling and so on, and she still uses behaviour that is not very pleasant to get her own way, being angry, slamming doors and so on.
I think its vital that children are shown firmly what is right and what is wrong, by how you respond to their behaviour and that rules need to be in place and need to be enforced.
Maybe you can try sitting him down when he is not in the throes of a tantrum, discussing what happened with him and explaining why it is unacceptable and then detailing punishment that will be used next time he repeats the behaviour, whether it is being sent to his room, no TV etc etc...
I think its really important that children know why a decision is made and why something is wrong, what I hated most as a child was seemingly arbitrary decisions being made without any explanation.

Not saying that you need to discuss everything with the boys, just whatever concerns them directly, so they understand the decision making process and correct behaviour and start feeling empowered to correct themselves.

I'd definitely say that by the age of 6 and 8, children know what is right and wrong.
They will still test your boundaries though :)
Hope this helps
a.

I remember throwing tantrums when I was a young kid. I remember the overwhelming emotions of rage and hurt and pain that would take me over and turn me into this screaming, crying monster. At the time of the tantrum the behaviour felt so justified. I would get punished for it too, and then feel terribly sorry for myself and wallow in my self-pity.

Thing is, come bed-time I would think back at my behaviour in horror; I would not know where that monster came from that took me over and made me behave that horrible way. Why why why did I behave like that? And I would feel so bewildered and SO bad about it. And I used to cry in shame and pray to God to forgive me for being such a horrible person (I am not from a religious family either).

When I started Gnosis and first learned about egos I remembered back to those moments in my childhood, and I actually remembered when egos started taking me over.

I also don’t have children myself, but I think that had I had Gnostic parents who taught me about the egos back then, it would have helped me a lot.

Strength to everyone!

Amy

Hi Bill,

I was a tantrum thrower, as well. Part of the problem was that I didn't know how else to deal with my emotions.

It might help to instruct him on ways to deal with those emotions constructively. There are a lot of anger management skills that are simple enough for a child to use.

You could first help him to recognize when his emotions get too strong and a tantrum is likely. You could just ask simple questions about how he feels inside right before, what types of situations make him feel that way, etc..This would be best done while he's calm and able to think clearly.

Then, you could work together to find alternative behaviors that are more appropriate and constructive for dealing with those emotions - count to 10, take a walk, have some time alone, talk about it, draw a picture, etc..You can develop an action plan for the next time he starts to see those cues.

It might take some trial and error to find the best alternative responses. The more he can participate in developing and commits to the plan and the more he sees your support and patience with this, the more likely he is to make progress though.

Good luck with everything!

I don't have kids yet but just some memories that may help.

I remember when I was a kid, I would throw tantrums for various reasons.

Personaly, as a child, I thought I had just cause - not being able to have others understand it - not being able to communicate something properly. Or even just simple things like simply wanting a hug - knowing that the adults around me appeared to be lost in stone walled coldness and odd behaviors.

I think, from the kids point of view - there is a reason for the behavior, and because nobody's understood it, has caused them to escalate to the point of irrationality.

Personally as a child, I thought love was the answer to everything. I didn't understanding the adult world of competition and discipline, and the need to structure safety and creative persuits. Complex concepts in a complex world.

So two totally different worlds. Maybe thinking back to your childhood and genuine communication will help bridge the gap.

Ralph

Hi guys

Thankyou all for you advice suggestions and memories from you own childhood.

We keep working together giving the boys our love and a constant message.   this combined with a good example will help them to learn and become better people.

smile...

bill

Hi Bill, as far as I can see in my own experience, children copy our behaviour. A lot of the time they are seeking our attention and more often than not they feel frustrated about something they can't work out. I think at this ages of 6 and 8 children question a lot of things, sometimes they ask but sometimes they don't and so yes like you said lots of love and reassurance, positive attitudes and a consistent approach will definitely help them feel good about themselves and they will turn out to be caring responsible people. Lots of strength. Palo.

Hi Bill!
As a mom of a nine year old and two year old twins, the best way I have found to eliminate tantrums is to ignore them. (unless they become out of control to the point of hurting themselves) My oldest threw only one tantrum that I remember, But my twins were a different story! I noticed that when the tantrum starts, if I just walk away from it, they know they are not getting a responce to their bad behavor. It has made the tantrums almost disappear. They now try to tell me how they feel or what it is that they want. Instead of just screaming and crying about it. As for a child that is 6 or 8 years old, it may just be an attention getter, or they know you will cave if they throw a tantrum. I think the key is prosistance. How ever you take care of the situation, you have to stick to it always. Once they know you are willing to change the rules for bad behavor, they are in control. Hope this helps.